Taking Testosterone Is Making Me Gnaw At The Bars On My Enclosure

 So I'm around the sixth month mark of taking testosterone to be who I truly am and I'm sure I'm not the first, nor will I be the last, to say that dealing with a second puberty in your 30s is hard. There are many many reasons for it, from having mood swings at work that I have to try and keep under control to the change in body odor, it's a lot.

It will definitely be worth it in the end, I'm getting results that I like. My belly's getting hairy, I'm slowly but surely getting wispy facial hair, and my voice is getting deeper. But there's something that's been driving me crazy recently. My sex drive is so freaking high, which I'm very much not used to. I'm asexual and normally don't really think about it that much. But I've been craving it to a ridiculous degree lately which poses a couple problems. One, I'm single and have been for years and two, I'm a virgin. Since I'm going through a big change physically in my life I don't really feel like looking for a long term relationship so the natural thing would be a hook up or some other short term relationship but I don't really have much experience in that area. 

I'm still going to go for it since I'm sure that might actually be someone's thing to show someone the ropes. But there's another quirk to the system, since acquiring a sex drive I've been fantasizing about sleeping with cis men. When I used to identify as a woman I would say I was a lesbian so this really is throwing me for a loop, it's one of those questions a lot of queer people have to deal with "do I like you or do I want to be you?" But I guess this is a good way to find out, if it turns out to just be a fantasy my brain's concocted and I don't like experiencing the real thing then at least no one's feelings will get hurt.

Part of me wonder's if it's just because I don't necessarily want to date straight women. That could just be because I'm in the American South and hear a lot of women talk about wanting husband's to do more traditionally masculine things so that they can feel more "like a woman" which is something I'm not comfortable playing into. Like, I have no problem's doing things like changing your oil but I don't like gendering chores.

I'm not really sure what the answer is but I guess I'll just try stuff out and see how it goes, as is the beauty of life.

Comments

Post a Comment

Popular posts from this blog

I Couldn't Write a Snappy Title to Save my Life

Image
To start off this new blog I want to talk about how I'm really bad at titling stuff. This started when I was in high school when I started making playlists and I would show them to my friends, they'd look at the songs on let's say an early 2000's playlist and say "Actually that song is from the 90s, and so is this one" and so on and so forth. To which I'd say that the late 90s and early 2000's music was, and is to this day, hard to identify on the spot without me fact checking every song before I put it on a playlist and frankly I am not going to do that work especially if there's a bunch of songs on there. I actually had this happen again in college where I showed my girlfriend at the time a playlist called "A Buncha Tegan and Sara Songs" which she pointed out had a song on there from a different producer. While there is merit to this, it's Tegan and Sara who are singing the song and not the producer. I guess if I wanted to be more t...
Read more